When Bullying Comes into Your Home.

I am a licensed professional counselor by trade and have seen the effects of bullying first hand from the side of the bully and from the side of the victim.  But it has never hit home like it did last night. One of the few times my husband took our now 13 year old daughter to soccer practice, rather than me.  He was heading that way anyway and I wanted to get in some treadmill time so I stayed home.  As I'm getting done on the treadmill an hour later, by husband and daughter come back.  I walk into the house and my husband says "what's xxxxx's last name?"  I respond- "I don't know why?" Because he was pushing our daughter at the end of practice"-- and my husband was mad. He spent the next hour trying to reach the soccer coach, who it was reported had not seen what had happened.  I took the long walk back to the bedroom, and lying on my bed with tears running down his face is my daughter.  This sweet girl is very sensitive to begin with, and I started out by asking what happened.  She told me she felt bad because she broke this boys shoe.  I was thinking- this seems strange, but listened to let her tell the whole story.
Through tears, she tells me near the end of practice, the team was doing kicking and control drills when she and a boy who is a year older both went for the ball.  During their "kick out" in trying to get the ball, apparently the other boys shoe broke.  When that happened he shoved my daughter a couple times.  While that made me mad, I calmly said I'm so sorry that happened, not all people know what to do when they get angry. But she continued to cry.  It finally came out through the tears that not only had he pushed her, but he said to her "I want to stomp on your head until you die".  When she told me that, my heart just broke.  I was so mad that an 8th grade boy would be so cruel over an accidentally broken soccer cleat!  I asked her what I could do and she just wanted me to hug her.  As a parent, hearing that your child is the focus of a bullying or cruel action is so hard to hear.  I held her as she cried herself to sleep.  This girl loves soccer and I know because of her personality it is going to be very hard for her to go to soccer practice on Thursday.  But I will be there with her so she knows we don't let bullies control her future, while doing a little extra to keep her safe.  And if I can talk to that boy's parent, that will be a bonus for me. 
Please parents:  teach your children to handle their anger is appropriate ways.  It is never ok to take out anger on others.  Its bad for the aggressor and its bad for the victim.  Only through adults stepping in and redirecting these types of behaviors can it be diminished.